Kids – What they Teach Us…
Kids – What they Teach Us…
Self-Direction in Spiritually Gifted Children
by Tara Paterson
“Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this.” – Henry Ford
As a parent of three spiritually intuitive children, I often marvel at the differences in each of my children’s personalities. I recognize for my oldest son who is now almost eleven, his definite need for structure and boundaries. He often pushes the envelope (with just about everything) and requires ample supervision when it comes to how much sweet stuff he can eat, how late he can stay up, or how much time he can spend playing video games or watching T.V. All and all, he needs to be firmly guided when it comes to what is acceptable for his age (or health) in many areas. However, when it comes to something he is deeply passionate about, I have observed that he needs minimal guidance. As an athlete, he has the discipline of a focused yogi and the same holds true for him with most aspects of school and homework. He exhibits amazing self- direction when it involves something he excels at or is deeply passionate about. The intuitive style I observe in my oldest child is amazingly different however, than that of his younger brother.
Caden, age six, has exhibited amazing self- direction from a very early age. Several years ago, I became aware that I was a parent to what some have referred to in more recent years as a- crystal or crystalline child. From infancy, there was a very strong pull on my intuition when it came to how I would parent this child. It also became apparent when he was around the age of three, that he had the ability to self-direct his actions in ways most children his age weren’t capable of doing. It began with little things like his ability to limit how many sugary snacks he would eat; the types of food he would naturally reject that would later be called into question by scientists or health related experts; his ability to recognize his need for rest and his several requests to go to bed before he needed to be told; in later years he had keen awareness for conserving his energy demonstrated by his ability to limit or self-regulate his activities when he was tired or had had enough. Furthermore, if something is bothering him, he also has a profound knack for self- directing his emotions or managing his energy. He will intuitively go out into the backyard in his bare feet and play in the dirt or ask to take a bath or play in some other body of water, to ease any tension or emotion he is feeling; his ability to naturally ground himself is amazing. The most remarkable example I have witnessed however, of self-direction in a spiritually aware child came recently in an experience with my two year old daughter.
There is no mistaking the energy and consciousness of Kaylee. She came into the world determined, and self-assured of her place in it. We’ve observed many times in the past year her ability to accomplish or “make happen” whatever scenario she sets out to create. Recently, she exhibited yet again her determination, but along with the confidence she exuded in getting her own way, she also demonstrated an amazing ability to self- direct her behavior. Let’s say she’s been “flexing” her muscles lately in an attempt to find her place as the third child in our family (of course it could also be that she knows she’s the only girl). With her sparkly eyes and angelic face, she has mastered the ability to push her brothers around or persuade them to give into her tantrum-ish ways. This particular night, she started with her desire to have the ball her oldest brother was playing with. She repeatedly attempted to grab a hold of the ball and when her attempts did not produce the results she was hoping for, she started whining. The whining turned to crocodile tears and eventually a mild temper tantrum. In frustration, Adam gave her the ball and sat down on the fireplace hearth to watch T.V. with the rest of us. Moments later, Kaylee decided she wanted to sit in the exact spot he had chosen to sit down on. Again, she applied the same technique in an effort to achieve her goal (hey it worked the first time). After a few minutes of her whining and carrying on, my husband finally asked Adam if he would slide down a little. This upset Adam greatly, because he was aware that she already managed to get her way with the ball and he refused to give into her antics a second time. The scenario eventually escalated into an argument between my husband and son, and eventually Adam left the room out of frustration. In the midst of the argument, Kaylee attentively observed the interaction between her dad and brother. I noticed her assessing the situation, followed by her awareness of the role she played in it. She sat down next to me and hung her head with a sad look on her face. I could see in the shift of her demeanor she was absolutely present to the chaos she created. She sat pondering what happened for a few minutes and completed the experience with an apology to her brother in the form of a hug and kiss (which she rarely gives to her brother’s voluntarily). I was amazed at what I observed in a child of just two.
Like my six year old son Caden, Kaylee is also a highly intuitive, spiritually gifted child. I have known this, but what I have come to understand through my commitment to being an intuitive parent with them, is their ability, if given the space, to self-direct their energy and behavior. As parents, we often jump in to influence the outcome we most hope to see from our children. What this experience taught me was how some children, if left to assess their own role in a situation, can self- direct their behavior or attitude without the added shame we as parents sometimes mistakenly add to their experience. This is not to say we shouldn’t intervene in some situations or even communicate with our children about the reason their behavior could have been inappropriate, but if spiritually intuitive children are given time to process how they made someone feel or are given the space to become aware of what they created, they will most definitely self-correct without our emotional drama and expectations being added to it. I am forever mesmerized by the brilliance of these amazing children we have among us and their ability to perceive human behavior sometimes better than adults. The next time your child creates a drama with a sibling or friend, attempt to observe how they will naturally handle the outcome without intervening in the interaction. As long as everyone is safe, you will build your child’s skills at managing life situations and take yourself out of the role of referee. It’s fascinating!
© 2008, Tara Paterson
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Tara Paterson has been building bridges with moms and families for many years. Her passion first revealed itself with JustforMom.com, a web site business with advice, ideas, and resources designed to “touch each Mom’s life, one Mom at a time.” She has since gone on to create Moms In Print, a resource to assist, educate, and guide mom writers to realize their dream of being a published author; and in July 2004, Ms. Paterson launched her 501 (c)3 non- profit- the Just For Mom foundation. The Foundation has been involved with projects that involve a grassroots effort to support the Reading Rainbow; the creation of the prestigious Mom’s Choice Awards™; and is the recipient of a portion of the proceeds from the Chicken Soup series – Chicken Soup for the Mother and Sons Soul. You can contact her at email@example.com or visit- www.JustForMom.com, www.theJustForMomFoundation.org, or www.MomsChoiceAwards.com.