By Carrie Hart
What is that yearning within the heart, that ache that turns love from giving into a futile quest to get? What is that emptiness that you are seeking to fill? It can be filled, of course, by giving yourself love, by opening yourself to the flow of endless love from the universe. But it can also be filled by allowing the love which fills your heart for others to be a great gift instead of a drama or the solution to a problem.
Love is. And if you are fortunate enough to love someone else, then allow that love to be a gift to you, a gift that fills you, whether or not the love you feel for another is returned in ways you wished it would be. There is a great difference between the fulfillment of lustful or romantic fantasies and the reality that is love. Love is something quite different, but yet intertwined, and so it can be difficult to differentiate. But the romantic fantasy is focused on the future, not on what is right now, and ultimately leads to disappointment as the object of your fantasy is unable to create the world you had desired, a world in which you are coveted and admired, a world in which every deep desire of yours for love and attention is fulfilled. This is not a world of real relationships, once the potent mix of drugs which we call ‘falling in love’ has worn off.
I wish to focus instead on another kind of love, a love which is very similar to that which you feel for a child or a very close friend for whom you wish nothing but the best and with whom you are not involved in a drama of getting. For much of the drama in your life revolving around romantic love relationships is simply that: your frustrated desires to get something that you felt was lacking, something that you felt that this person promised you by way of the relationship.
What if you were to release this? What if you were to allow the other person to be and not to have expectations that they would fulfill a need of yours? What if you were to fulfill your own needs through your connection to spirit and through your actions in this physical world, and allow this other person to be someone who can live a parallel life, giving you both the great comfort of a partnership, yet a great deal of freedom as well, as interests or circumstances send you in other directions for a time?
And even if you love someone who does not appear to return your love, I wish you to look at it in different ways. First, separate out your romantic fantasies and desire to have this person fulfill a role and a need in your life. Without that, do you truly love? Is this a person that you care to give love to without requiring any in return? For that is love, that is the love you extend to others from a full-to-overflowing heart.
The drama of your relationships is normally the result of trying to get from someone else what they cannot possibly give, which is to fulfill you, to make you whole. This is your job and not the job of anyone else. And if you seek this from another, if you give them a part of yourself and spend the rest of your relationship asking them to give back to you, you have made a poor bargain. And often it is a bargain that they did not willingly make, to take on the burden of a love with so many conditions.
When you give, give. When you love, love. And realize that a heart full of love is a wondrous thing, especially when it is not tainted with jealousy and grasping neediness. It is a wondrous thing, when you can truly care for another and want only the best for him or her, without requiring anything specific in return. This does not mean that you are suppressing your true feelings, manipulating behind the scenes, or crying your eyes out in private. All of that is a part of the drama of neediness and yearning.
Love is. Love fills your heart with gladness when the loved one is in your presence, and yet has the grace to let go after parting. Love such as this is something that you have not been taught, certainly not in the movies and magazines. It is a lofty goal, to learn to love in this way, in a way in which you are giving, but yet also giving to yourself, for you realize that a heart full of love is a great gift to both of you.
Silent and giving, full of golden energy that glows outward from a warm and pliable heart, this is love. Embracing in its warmth, but not seeking more than it is, this is love. A spark it the eyes, a heart of gladness, a lilting voice of greeting, these are signs of a love without strings and attachments, a love without jealousy and neediness, a love which seeks to flow, not grasp.
This is a new way to love, and is something which may be difficult to achieve at first. But it is a goal worth pursuing, to learn to care for others in this way. And if the loved one moves on, that is all right. You are in a world full of people you may love. For when you are truly giving love and not seeking to get anything specific in return, when you are glowing with love and not living a romantic fantasy, everyone is glad to receive your love.
Everyone is glad to be in the presence of your warm and glowing caring. And the glow which is returned to you is many times the energy which you pour forth in your flowing, selfless, generous love.
Here is a little prayer for today:
I open my heart wide and let the light pour in. I remove all the stones of unforgiveness and lift from my heart any burdens of expectation. I care. I love. I generate love from within, so that I glow with love and caring. I am a shining light of love, and my glow is so great that all who enter into my circle can feel its warmth. I cherish the love I feel for others, for it warms me as well. I cherish each person I love, for they give me even more love to gladden my life and soften my heart. Every time I love, every time I give love selflessly, my soft and pliable heart grows stronger and more pure.